self destruct ...

what ever decision u make, u must be responsible for the consequences ..
its really funny and scary sometimes how life can eat u right back ..
just when i thought edgar was the last disaster in my love life ..
i never ever expected for something worse ..
or of course, i wasn't prepared for all tht is happening ..

i hate choosing. i've always hated choosing ...
i hate choosing only to buy one dress out of 2
i hate choosing only one cookie out of a basket
i hate choosing only one song out of a bunch
i hate choosing only one colour out of a rainbow
and
i hate the most having to choose in between 2 guys.

i remember telling my friend this
"if i were to be put into a situation where i have to choose between 2 guys, i'll give up, BOTH"

because i simply don't wanna hurt any party ...
and i hate it when the cliche is right
its easier said than done

in this case ... its way much easy to say, way much harder to do ...
how to choose?
they are both coming back and will be leaving???
i've already hurt one.
i hate myself for being so selfish.
i hate myself for not making a choice from the start
i hate how everything is hitting right back at my face
i hate myself for facing this shit ..


to patt:

i'm sorry for things to end this ugly. its not what we expected. certainly not what u expected. i guess i was just being in decial. denying the existance of my feelings. denying tht i was waiting. and most certainly, denying tht i care. i choose to be in denial coz i wanna avoid something like this. but for now, i've made my choice and u've made urs. there is no point turning back and look back at the past. we shall go along to where our choice lead us. (i sound so dramatic 0_o) i wish u the best in the future.
take care

to shinsuke:
don't worry. i've made my choice. don't think so much k?